Thursday, September 28, 2017

Life Update : Home - Its Not As What I Expected


Assalamualaikum..

hello and hai !
okay before i proceed to my luahan for today,
aku just nk selitkan satu post ni..

post ni aku dh lama type..
tak silap 13/09/2017..
masa tu baru habis paper theory tak silap.

aku dh type elok2.
pastu time nk upload gambar ada prob.
so tertinggal lah post tu dlm draft smpai skrg.

nk delete rugi.
nk simpan, mcm sia2 pulak
aku usahakan type bde tu.
ye dak ? haha
so ini adalah post berkenaan,
aku selit jap....

kalau malas nk baca,
boleh skip pergi bawah skit ye.....


______________________________________________



Life Update : Few More Days To Go Home !



Assalamualaikum and hai !

yes, few days more to go home.
brape hari lagi ?
approximately 10 hari lagi,
inshaa Allah...

ok as u all should know,
aku baru je habis Universiti exam
untuk 2nd year...
but wait.

just theory paper je..
practical exams are coming soon.
semalam Rabu, last paper..
hari ni Khamis...
then hari Jumaat minggu
depan will be my 1st paper utk pacticals.

ade 3 papers for practicals.
Patho, Microb and Pharmac...

so yes, as you can see,
aku ada lebih kurang seminggu cuti
study break for that practical exam.
so mcm biase lah,
2-3 hari ni aku nk rileks dulu.
tak nak sentuh apa2 buku lagi..
letih wehhhh :(

k hari ni aku nk luah2 perasaan jap.

kenapa topic aku "few days more to go home" .
boleh je aku buat : "just finished my theory exam.."

okay meh nk luah...

kau mesti dah tahu kan,
aku dah satu tahun FULL tak balik Malaysia.
aku mmg sengaja buat cam ni.
nk pecah rekod. hihi
alhamdulillah, aku berjaya...

tapi... ya Allah, homesick truk wehh :'(

tak, awal2 tak homesick pun.
aku bukan jenis budak yg slalu
nangis2 homesick nk balik ape smua tu.
NO.

tapi bile dah start je study break 1 bulan baru ni,
aku asyik pikir sal Malaysia weh.
especially makanan !

omg. Makanan Malaysia !
and also my mom's food !
sumpah aku tak pernah rase desperate gile camni.
hari2 pikir nk balik Malaysia nk makan..

so aku rase aku jadi homesick trox mcm ni
sbb tak balik malaysia satu tahun lah kot.
hahahahaha.

serious,
aku tak rase aku akan buat lagi bde cam ni.
kalau ade peluang, balik lah rumah woiiii
tak tahannn wehhh pikir sal makanan XD

tapi takpelah.
aku bersyukur je aku tak balik satu tahun.
igt senang ke nk buat.
bukan senang nk dpat peluang camni.
selagi ada peluang, grab jelah kann..
saja, nk rase pengalaman tuu.. hihi

and you know what,
sometimes it just feels so weird..

i didnt go back home for 1 year.
omaigod 1 year is not a short period okay.
in 1 year a lot of shit happens..
a lot of things had changed..
a lot man...

but aku kat India ni,
tak rase apa2 pun.
aku just rase cam aku ada kat sini
for 4 or 5 months je..
sumpah, cepat gile masa berlalu..

so bile nk balik Malaysia ni,
perasaan agak berdebar2 jugak lah sbnrnye.
byk perkara telah berlaku time
aku kat India..
nnti balik kat rumah,
aku buat satu post about this inshaa Allah.


okay next aku nk selitkan sdikit kisah
exam aku.... >.<


utk 2nd year, ada 4 subjects for theory papers.
Pathology
Microbiology
Pharmacology
Forensic Medicine

dlm banyak2 subject,
mmg smua susah..

haha... yes.
setiap subject susah in its own ways.

aku ingat lagi, time 1st year university exam,
aku chill je tau... Sebab aku tahu aku mmg akan pass
smua subject..

but this time ?
for 2nd year subjects ?

omg... hati aku selalu berdebar2 kot.
sumpah takleh chill..

2nd year subjects is way different from 1st year
lagi susah... lagi banyak... and lagi complicated.

so aku tak nak cakap byk..
terang panjang2 pun kau bukan tahu
apa yg aku rase :'(

just that aku nk luah,
walaupun exam theory dh habis,
tapi aku still takleh rase bahagia.
still tkleh duduk diam.

aku just mampu berharap
dan berdoa inshaa Allah
semoga aku pass smua subject
dengan tenang dan bahagia...
inshaa Allah, amiinn...

klah... got to go now.
smalam tak sempat rehat sgt.
pagi ni ada kelas revision...
skrg aku kat rumah nenek aku..
letih wehh..
nk rehat jap........

baiklah di bawah ini sy kongsikan
beberape keping gmbr2
tentang activity ku during that 1 month
study break.... Tak banyak pun sbnrnye..
byk gmbr makanan je ... XD
kbye ~







maggi (mi only) + prego sauce + 
melted cheese +  bawang goreng.
omg.. super easy and super yummy !


 during that one month study break,
aku jarang gile masak.
if i'm not mistaken ni jelah kali terakhir aku masak.
holy basil chicken + ayam sambal kicap +
rice + telur dadar..
yang pink tu dessert my friend gave it to me ^_^


 There's this new small shop recently open
in front of our hostel..
so this is our first try...
my friend beli fish and cheap.
and i bought spaggheti white sauce.
not bad... but quantity sedikit,
harga agak mahal...


 15 Sept (tak silap aku)
ialah hari kemerdekaan India..
aku teringin nk tgok sambutan hari kemerdekaan
dkat Manipal.. tapi..
tak sempat weh.. haha
bile dh smpai tempat kejadian,
tetibe majlis dh habis. 
aduii.. no luck this time :(

 oh satu lagi kedai baru bukak dkat Manipal - Crave
a dessert shop. jual mcm2 kek yg best2.
eh jap.. betul ke best ?
ntah lah weh.. maybe 1 or 2 kek yg sedap.
the rest rase cam palsu gile. fake.
tak brape sedap..
but IDK why ramai giler org 
slalu pergi kedai ni...

 Nasi lemak (okay2 lah takdelah sedap sgt)
potato lovers (my all time fav !)
and my friend's sandwich
at snack shack

oh during the study break,
minggu kedua tak silap..
i went Udupi and bought this
fake flower...
omg i love it so much..
ianya menambahkan lagi seri
dalam bilik aku.. hehe 



 just a simple dish..
ikan sardine dlm tin ayam brand.
nasi panas2 + telur dadar
yummy !

 tak tahu aku pernah crite ke tak..
but tahun ni monsoon start awal gile.
tak silap aku akhir bulan 5... TAPI
hujan bodoh2 je...
but skrg, bulan 8, hujan dh start heavy..
maybe its the real monsoon ?

 food at the thai restaurant.
yes.. mmg sedap.
but bukan slalu boleh makan.
sbb mahal gile...
pokai weh kalau hari2 makan >.<

 dessert.. yes again at Crave.
kenapa ? sbb this is the only dessert shop
yg dekat dgan Thai shop tu..
haha. lpas makan Thai food,
trus serbu kedai Crave ni.
lagipun i just wanted to try
other cakes...

 dinner date with Khadijah
at Egg's Factory...

 Dahi puri + sweet buns
at Panggala...

 delicious but ridiculously expensive
chocolate lava at Egg's factory

 masa ni hari raya haji..
so org2 islam tempatan
ada buat bagi2 kuih + kad mcm ni..
so me and my friend decided
to go and take them..
that yellow thing is really nice !
tapi sorry, lupe dh nama dia.. hehe


 my all time fav : sambal fried noodles
from Cheff Inn

 dinner date with my old friend, Rui Yin..
dulu time foundation dapat jugak lah ngan dye ni.
but skrg dye BDS, aku pulak MBBS..
kat India ni, kitaorg TAK pernah pun kluar sesama..
ni lah first time, and the last time
kitaorg dinner date...
why ?
coz masa ni dia dh habis dh course dia..
dia akan balik Malaysia for good dah...
anyways, aku puas hati gile malam tu.
3 dish kitaorg makan sesama and share.
and the food was awesome !
location : Basil cafe

 and not to forget : the dessert !
yes, bde yg wajib aku order
kalau pergi basil cafe : chocolate puding.
sumpah sedap ! aku ketagihhh

 lunch at Cafiya restaurant Udupi,
with this girl, Syahirah... :-*
 lpas sudah lunch, of cozz : desserts !
ice cream at Naturals...
 lpas tu aku yang tak kenal erti kenyang,
pergi pulak kat small shop dpan hostel aku,
and beli natang ni...
bapak mahal gila sial.
but takpelah.
once in a blue moon.
lagipun aku beli sbb dpat glass percuma je.
heheheehhe


 yes.. i remember this moment..
tgh belajar Pharmacology.
pergh... bersepah gile bilik.
haha.. tak pernah aku
tgok bilik aku byk2 kertas mcm ni.
HELLO. its pharmacology.
just imagine how many thousands of drugs 
kitaorg kena hafal... huhu


 lunch date after finish theory paper
at Egg's Factory

dinner date with a local friend
at a restaurant nearby the hostel.
love the fried rice ! <3

ini pulak ada satu majlis tu..
tak silap aku hari dyeorg smbut
birthday Lord Krishna..
tuhan org hindu...
so mereka2 akan berpakaian seperti
ini dan menari2 at random places.
so them and decided to take some selfies with 'em..




____________________________________

omg...
cepat gile masa berlalu
when i typed the above post,
masa tu bru habis theory paper,
tgh cuti 1 minggu for practicals..

and now ?
i'm already at home ... :)

okay nk crite skit about my 1 week holiday
and the practicals...

the first 3 days,
aku mmg main kaw2...khamis Jumaat Sabtu...
makan banyak2
kluar dating ngan org ni,
ngan org tuu.. 

pastu duk bilik tgok movies.
omg... best gile sbb dpat chill.
coz you dont know how i suffered
for that one month study break. hhmm.

ala... suffer.
mcm lah kau study.

yeah thats the problem.
aku tak study betul2..
and aku 'paksa' diri utk study.
dlm kata lain aku tak ikhlas study.
and aku benci gile perasaan tu.

seriously,
its totally different from 1st year..
1st year study break for me  was fine.
aku smpat chill tgok episodes of anime
time 2nd week study break tu. haha. gila.

and rase dye mmg tak seletih 2nd year.
sumpah 2nd year sgt meletihkan ..
physically and mentally......

and benda ni bukan aku sorang je yg ckap,
few of my friends
also said the same thing.
so yeah, its not just me okayyy

then hows the practicals exam ?

hhmm..
alhamdulillah...
it was quite okay..
and subjects practicals
byk yg aku study last minute.

tapi alhamdulillah.
prcaticals mmg sempat lagi
study last minute, hahaha

i was a bit scared of the practicals at first.
but alhamdulillah,
i've manage to went through all this !

so mcm mane ?
bile result kluar ?

hhmm...
ntah lah...
maybe 2 or 3 days more.

aku rase maybe hari Jumaat or Sabtu.
today is Thursday.
so yeah maybe lusa kot...

omg... 
i'm a bit nervous.
many of my friends
ask me to not worry.
coz they know i'll pass the exam.

but still.. 
we cant be 100% confident !

and to be honest,
me, myself, i'm not confident
wether i can pass or not.

coz as what i've told you,
2nd year mmg agak susah...
and exam baru ni pun
bukan aku buat bersungguh2..
thats why i'm quite worry.... :(

anways,
mari lah kite doakan yg baik2 ye..

semoga Sabryne,
dan kawan2 kesayangannye
sama2 pass dan sama2
masuk 3rd year dgn tenang dan bahagia.
inshaa Allah amiinnn !

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

skrg nk story skit about my journey utk balik umah..
after habis exam, which is on 24th Sept,
balik tu trus kemas apa yg patut.
then singgah umah nenek jap.
to take some stuff that she wants me to
bring back to my mom in Malaysia..

then pada hari tersebut aku agak kelam kabut sedikit.
bcoz usually kalau aku balik Malaysia,
aku akan balik tarikh jauh skit
from the day habis exam..
maybe 2 or 3 days after.
so that i'll have more time
to chill, and pack my things.

but you know what,
kalau balik lewat,
nnti semakin sikit masa
sy ada kat rumah...
lagipun,
aku mcm mane skali pun,
aku akan pulang ke India lagi awal
dari smua org..

Isnin class start.
biasenye kawan2 aku yg lain akan pulang
ke Manipal hari Sabtu (paling awal)
and paling lewat hari Ahad.

omg.. aku takleh ar..
i need time...
to un pack my things.
to clean my room.
to settle down.
to have some rest...
then baru boleh start class...

so i've decided to balik Manipal
on Friday, 20th Oct....
at least i'll have 2 days
to settle down, inshaa Allah........

so yeah, this time aku cuba
balik seawal yg mungkin,
sbb nnti aku akan balik India awal jugak.

approximately i have 24 days in Malaysia..
yes... bukan satu bulan penuh.
but takpelah.....

now tinggal 22 days more.
haha... yes aku dh start countdown.
hari2 aku akan countdown
supaya aku sedar diri. hehe

okay jom tgok gambar2 kejap.......




 a piece of cake (from Carve) given by a friend.
thank you !!

 this pic was taken immidiately after our last paper
which was on Sunday..
yes, Ahad pun ada exam.
first time dowh dlm hidup aku
ada exam time weekend XD
anyways, lantak lah !
yg penting dh MERDEKA !

 and skrg dh 25th Sept..
me and my friend, Yean..
waiting for our local flight : JetAirways...

 JetAirways.. yes.. i got the window seat. 
hehehehe
 okay ni pulak makanan dalam MAS..
kali ni makanan dye not bad..
walaupun aku dh bosan dgn nasi beriani.
but aku suke gile dye punye gulab jamun.
sedappp wehhh. tak sangka. haha

 and the moment i've been waiting for : Malaysian food !
these are my first food yg aku makan time smpai malaysia.
yes... and they were super yummy !
sumpah... puas hati sgt !!!
alhamdulillah....
 mom's food !
thanks sudi masakkan <3

 nasi lemak ayam 
my mom's version.. hehe

 ini aku tak tau nama apa..
but its chicken with some bendi.. haha
but it was super yummy !

 ini aku baru makan tadi.
haha... hotdug jumbo !
yummyy ~


okay back to the topic of today's post :
"Home - Its Not As What I Expected"

what do you mean Sab ?
please explain.....

well... actually its kinda hard
for me to explain...
coz no one will understand
what i feel...
trust me... NO one.
even me, myself
could not explain
whats playin around with my feelings.

but anyways
aku akan cuba sedaya upaya
tuliskan apa sahaja
yg terlintas dlm mindaku......

bcoz this is my diary.
and i know someday,
i will read this back.
i just want my future me to know
how i'm feeling right now.







rumah.
tempat di mana kita di besarkan.
tempat di mana ada insan2
yg dinamakan 'family'
ibu... bapa... dan mungkin adik bradik..

setiap manusia di keliling aku,
selalu menceritakan
dan meluahkan hal2 manis
tentang rumah...

rindu parents...
rindu rumah...
homesick....
dan sebagainye...

and yes in fact,
i have a friend,
she told me each and everything.
about her happiness jupe parents.
about what they did
spending time together.
about what she did to her parents
while she was in the house for holidays.
about the jokes and laughter
of her family...

yes... literally everything.

you know,
i felt really happy...
when i heard her stories..
but at the same time..
deep inside my heart,
i felt sad.

like... what the hell is happiness ?
like why everyone feels happy
with their family ?
am i the only one
yang rasa mcm nak menjauhi
family ? Belajar luar negara,
jauh2 dari family...
and cuti pun mcm takde mood nk balik..

yes.. i know,
in the above post i've mentioned
that i felt homesick.
tak sabar nk balik malaysia cepat2.

but you know what ?

things had become really different.
its not as what i expected.

i expect that kalau aku
dah lama tak balik Malaysia,
aku akan rindu gile parents aku
and aku akan enjoy gile duk rumah.

but sadly... 
i didnt feel that
when i reached KL and saw my parents.
its not that i dont love them.
NO... but there's something else
that bothers me...

there's something else
that makes me feel
stress....

i felt a bit happy when i saw them.
but only for the first 15 minutes.
then everything has changed.
from happy, i became sad...
and now i felt a bit stress....

not only that...
when i reached home,
and enters my room...
things become more complicated.

yes. ianya semakin teruk.

KEGELAPAN.
KEKOSONGAN.
KEPERITAN.
KESENGSARAAN.
MASA LALU.
KEKECEWAAN.
KEJAHILAN.
KEMARAHAN.
DENDAM.
KESEDIHAN.

yes... smua perasaan negative
bermain2 dlm jiwa ku....

its hard for me to describe
my feelings...
but maybe all those words
that i've listed,
itu lah perasaan aku...

its a mixed feelings.
but a negative one...
memang hati aku rase sangat sakit
hingga at one point
aku asyik nangis2 je .

yes . aku nangis2 sorang2
dalam bilik...
tanpa sesiapa tahu........

aku just rase mcm...
kenapa aku balik Malaysia ?
kenapa aku balik rumah ?

i'm not suppost to be here..
this is a big mistake !
i wanna go back to India !

yes... seriously.
aku tgh fikir
nak balik India cepat2..
aku pun tak percaya aku fikir camtu.

like who the hell
nk balik hostel cepat2 ?
padahal baru je smpai rumah.
tak smpai 24 jam..
kau tak rindu rumah ke ?
tak rindu family ke ?

rindu.....
ye... rindu....
tapi rindu itu dekelilingi
oleh kegelapan masa lalu .
kegelapan dan ke-negative-an
yang sakit perit utk dirasai...

sangat perit dan menyeksa,
hingga aku tak sanggup berada
lebih lama di sini......

kau... yes, kau yg sdg baca ni.
kau mungkin pikir aku
ada masalah dgn family...
or boyfriend..
or kisah lalu....

ya, mungkin kau betul.
itu mmg menjadi beban pada aku.
tapi bukan itu saja,
banyak lagi masalah2 lain,
yang bile digabungkan
smua skali
menyebabkan hati aku rase sakit sgt.

kadang2 aku rase mcm aku ada masalah mental.
tapi..... ntah lah.
takde sape kot akan percaya aku.
but lantak lah..

aku just nk kau tahu
hidup aku skrg sudah berbeza...
tiada lagi erti 

kebahagiaan
kekeluargaan
persahabatan
kerinduan

dan sebagainye.
bagi aku, smua tu sudah lama pupus.
hidup aku dlm kegelapan pd saat ini.

aku tidak tahu harus berbuat apa.
aku hanya mampu berharap pada Allah.
hanya Allah je yg aku ada skrg.....

klah...i got to go now.
what ever it is,
i'll try my best untuk
lalui semua ni...

hhmm.. mungkin aku takleh nk settle
masalah aku...
but.. smpai bile aku nk lari kan ?
aku just akan cuba
kentalkan hati,
and lalui je keperitan ni... >.<

and i talked to a friend yesterday.
dia suruh aku bersyukur.
ya, aku terlupe tentang itu.
aku tetibe rase teruk sgt.
mcm mane aku
boleh terlupe utk bersyukur ?

mungkin ada org kat luar sane
yg takde parents..
takde family..
takde rumah..
or mungkin belajar luar negara,
tapi susah nk balik rumah..

or whatever lah...

so sejak dia suruh aku bersyukur.
aku jadi tersedar.
ya, aku terlalu melihat
semua dari sudut negative,
smpai terlupe bde2 positive..
astarghfirullah..
aku lupa akan nikmat yg
Allah telah berikan... hhmm

so whats my plan now ?

yes... as what i told you just now,
walau sepahit dan seperit mana
pun life aku skrg,
aku kena cuba tabah utk hadapi je.

aku tahu mmg segalanye
telah permanently berubah.
what to do....
skrg aku terperangkap.
aku terpkse hadapi smua ni....

goodbye.
see you again soon, inshaa Allah




No comments:

Post a Comment